What’s going on around here?
My name is Robert Bruce. I file an unusually short, original story to the Internet daily, from the rain and sun of Oregon’s wine country.
If you’re into Mamet, Chandler, or Bukowski, this stuff might work for you.
How do I contact you?
I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway …
P.O. Box 331
Are your stories fact or fiction?
Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.
Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.
What motivates you to write?
My stomach and my grave.
Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, and mugs?
I don’t make books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, or mugs.
If you don’t sell anything or run ads, how do you make money on this stuff?
I don’t make money on this stuff.
What’s with this “unusually short” thing? Why don’t you write real stories?
I am an impatient man who admires well-executed brevity.
Aren’t literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?
But, for $10,000 + expenses, I’ll fly in and give you one that plainly isn’t.
Yes, that $10,000 price tag is intended to keep me at home — and in my bathrobe — at all times.
What are your hobbies?
I’m an expert with a Remington 12-gauge shotgun, in close quarters.
What’s your drink?
Any grape from The Four Graces.
No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should’ve been.
Why don’t you host comments, reply to tweets, emails, or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?
But, like you, I work a real job, have a dog, two chickens, and listen to a lot of radio.
I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write these little stories, cut my toenails, drink a beer, and get to the dentist.
What are other people saying about your work?
You’ve taken Carver, O’Conner, and Chandler down to the bone. Amazing.
- Shawn McBride
Short stories by Robert Bruce. Really short stories. Trust me: you can imagine a movie based on each sentence.
- James Lileks, Star Tribune
What a superb use of my time.
- Greg MacDonald
I wish I could get the last 30 seconds of my life back. Unsubscribed.
- Former Reader
Robert Bruce has the best one-liners on Twitter.
- Pete Orta
Robert is slightly demented. It amuses me.
- Terry LeCroix
Obsessed with Robert Bruce. Little micro-stories of goodness. Very Lydia Davis. Except more morbid. Even better.
- Ashley Marie
This is badass. I like you, Robert Bruce.
- Chris Brogan
… the best Twitter account ever.
- Andrea Ball
I haven’t read much this guys stuff – from what seen it’s meh.
I worship Robert Bruce.
- Prince Campbell
- Brian Clark
These are NOT stories. These are sentences. What a joke.
- Former Reader
OK, what if I want to try your stuff on for size?
If these little stories do anything to you or for you … get them delivered (no charge) via email.
Designed by Brian Gardner.