My name is Robert Bruce. I file unusually short stories to the Internet, from an undisclosed location near you. Good luck.
How do I contact you?
I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway …
Are your stories fact or fiction?
Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.
Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.
What motivates you to write?
My stomach and my grave.
What’s with this “unusually short” thing? Why don’t you write real stories or novels?
I am an impatient man. I’m into brevity. I’m fascinated by the long history of the newspaper crime blotter.
Also, novels are just so last century.
How can you call these things stories?
I can call them whatever I want to call them. You can do likewise.
Aren’t literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?
But, for $7,000 + expenses, I’ll fly in and give you one that plainly isn’t.
Yes, that $7,000 price tag is intended to keep me at home and in my bathrobe at all times.
What are your hobbies?
I’m an expert with a short-barrel 12-gauge shotgun, in close quarters.
What’s your drink?
No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should’ve been.
Why don’t you host comments or reply to emails or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?
But, like you, I work a day job, have a dog, a lawn to mow, and like to listen to a lot of radio.
I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write a story or two, cut my toenails, drink something good, and get to the dentist.
Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, and mugs?
I don’t sell books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, or mugs.
If you don’t sell anything or runs ads, how do you make money from this operation?
I don’t make money from this operation.
What are other people saying about your stuff?
You’ve taken Carver, O’Conner, and Chandler down to the bone. Amazing.
– Shawn McBride
Short stories by Robert Bruce. Really short stories. Trust me: you can imagine a movie based on each sentence.
– James Lileks, Star Tribune
Obsessed with Robert Bruce. Little micro-stories of goodness. Very Lydia Davis. Except more morbid. Even better.
– Ashley Marie
… the best twitter account ever.
– Andrea Ball
I want the last 30 seconds of my life back. Unsubscribed.
– Former Reader
Somehow, Robert Bruce manages to keep my Twitter feed interesting with just one sentence per day.
– James Dallas Williams
What a superb use of my time.
– Greg MacDonald
– Brian Clark
… be careful, these short stories are highly addictive …
I haven’t read much this guys stuff – from what seen it’s meh.
– “bigmusic” on Metafilter
Robert Bruce’s short stories are very short, but they aren’t gimmicks. There’s more to them than many longer works.
– Christopher Gronlund
Robert Bruce has the best one-liners on Twitter.
– Pete Orta
You fucking high bro? Or just loose (sp) all creativity?
Robert is slightly demented. It amuses me.
– Terry LeCroix
I worship Robert Bruce.
– Prince Campbell
Robert Bruce is a writer and a tease. He is all sparseness and tortuous brevity, his unusually short stories impeccable. They hook, and leave you hanging off the cliff.
– Julie Neidlinger
These are NOT stories. These are sentences. What a joke.
– Former Reader
How was this site put together?
It was designed in Chicago by Brian Gardner.
It’s hosted at Flywheel.
The podcast is hosted at Simplecast, which also happens to be one of the best companies I’ve worked with in over a decade online.
OK, what if I want to try your stuff on for size?
If these little stories do anything to you or for you …