What’s going on around here?

My name is Robert Bruce. I file a sentence or two to the Internet once in a while, from an undisclosed location in the great state of Oregon.

Get the latest delivered via Twitter or RSS.

How do I contact you?

I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway … robert@robertbruce.com.

Is your stuff fact or fiction?

Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.

Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.

What motivates you to write?

My stomach and my grave.

Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, and mugs?

You can grab the book right here. If you’re into that sort of thing.

I don’t make bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, or mugs.

Aren’t literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?


But, for $10,000 + expenses, I’ll fly in and give you one that plainly isn’t.

Yes, that $10,000 price tag is intended to keep me at home — and in my bathrobe — at all times.

What are your hobbies?

I’m an expert with a Remington 12-gauge shotgun, in close quarters.

What’s your drink?

Any grape from The Four Graces.

No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should’ve been.

Why don’t you host comments, reply to tweets, emails, or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?


But, like you, I work a day job, have a dog, two chickens, and listen to a lot of radio.

I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write these little one-liners, cut my toenails, drink something good, and get to the dentist.

OK, what if I want to try your stuff on for size?

Go ahead and get it all delivered via Twitter or RSS.

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