My name is Robert Bruce. I file an unusually short, original story to the Internet nightly, from an undisclosed location near you. Good luck …
How do I contact you?
I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway …
Are your stories fact or fiction?
Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.
Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.
What motivates you to write?
My stomach and my grave.
Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, and mugs?
I don’t sell books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, or mugs.
If you don’t sell anything or run ads, how do you make money on this stuff?
I don’t make money on this stuff.
What’s with this “unusually short” thing? Why don’t you write real stories?
I am an impatient man. I’m into brevity. Here’s a little more, if you’re into that sort of thing.
How can you call these things stories?
I can call them whatever I want to call them. You can do likewise.
Aren’t literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?
But, for $7,000 + expenses, I’ll fly in and give you one that plainly isn’t.
Yes, that $7,000 price tag is intended to keep me at home — and in my bathrobe — at all times.
What are your hobbies?
I’m an expert with a short-barrel 12-gauge shotgun, in close quarters.
What’s your drink?
No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should’ve been.
Why don’t you host comments, reply to tweets, emails, or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?
But, like you, I work a day job, have a dog, two chickens, and listen to a lot of radio.
I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write a story or two, cut my toenails, drink something good, and get to the dentist.
Who designed this site?
This site was designed in Chicago by Brian Gardner.
What are other people saying about your stuff?
You’ve taken Carver, O’Conner, and Chandler down to the bone. Amazing.
– Shawn McBride
Short stories by Robert Bruce. Really short stories. Trust me: you can imagine a movie based on each sentence.
– James Lileks, Star Tribune
Obsessed with Robert Bruce. Little micro-stories of goodness. Very Lydia Davis. Except more morbid. Even better.
– Ashley Marie
I want the last 30 seconds of my life back. Unsubscribed.
– Former Reader
Somehow, Robert Bruce manages to keep my Twitter feed interesting with just one sentence per day.
– James Dallas Williams
Robert Bruce has the best one-liners on Twitter.
– Pete Orta
What a superb use of my time.
– Greg MacDonald
– Brian Clark
… the best twitter account ever.
– Andrea Ball
I haven’t read much this guys stuff – from what seen it’s meh.
– “bigmusic” on Metafilter
Robert Bruce’s short stories are very short, but they aren’t gimmicks. There’s more to them than many longer works.
– Christopher Gronlund
Robert is slightly demented. It amuses me.
– Terry LeCroix
I worship Robert Bruce.
– Prince Campbell
Robert Bruce is a writer and a tease. He is all sparseness and tortuous brevity, his unusually short stories impeccable. They hook, and leave you hanging off the cliff.
– Julie Neidlinger
These are NOT stories. These are sentences. What a joke.
– Former Reader
OK, what if I want to try your stuff on for size?
If these little stories do anything to you or for you, get them delivered …