What’s going on around here?
My name is Robert Bruce. I file unusually short, original stories to the Internet, from the rain and sun of Oregon’s wine country.
If you’re into Mamet, Chandler, or Bukowski, this stuff might work for you.
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How do I contact you?
I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway …
P.O. Box 331
Are your stories fact or fiction?
Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.
Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.
What motivates you to write?
My stomach and my grave.
Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, and mugs?
You can grab a book right here.
I don’t make bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, or mugs.
What’s with this “unusually short” thing? Why don’t you write real stories?
I am an impatient man who admires well-executed brevity.
Aren’t literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?
But, for $10,000 + expenses, I’ll fly in and give you one that plainly isn’t.
Yes, that $10,000 price tag is intended to keep me at home — and in my bathrobe — at all times.
What are your hobbies?
I’m an expert with a Remington 12-gauge shotgun, in close quarters.
What’s your drink?
Any grape from The Four Graces.
No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should’ve been.
Why don’t you host comments, reply to tweets, emails, or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?
But, like you, I work a day job, have a dog, two chickens, and listen to a lot of radio.
I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write these little stories, cut my toenails, drink a beer, and get to the dentist.
What are other people saying about your work?
You’ve taken Carver, O’Conner, and Chandler down to the bone. Amazing.
- Shawn McBride
Short stories by Robert Bruce. Really short stories. Trust me: you can imagine a movie based on each sentence.
- James Lileks, Star Tribune
What a superb use of my time.
- Greg MacDonald
I wish I could get the last 30 seconds of my life back. Unsubscribed.
- Former Reader
Robert Bruce has the best one-liners on Twitter.
- Pete Orta
Robert is slightly demented. It amuses me.
- Terry LeCroix
Obsessed with Robert Bruce. Little micro-stories of goodness. Very Lydia Davis. Except more morbid. Even better.
- Ashley Marie
This is badass. I like you, Robert Bruce.
- Chris Brogan
… the best Twitter account ever.
- Andrea Ball
I haven’t read much this guys stuff – from what seen it’s meh.
I worship Robert Bruce.
- Prince Campbell
- Brian Clark
These are NOT stories. These are sentences. What a joke.
- Former Reader
OK, what if I want to try your stuff on for size?
Go ahead and get it delivered the way you want it …
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