What’s going on around here?
My name is Robert Bruce. I file a sentence or two to the Internet once in a while, from an undisclosed location in the great state of Oregon.
How do I contact you?
I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway … firstname.lastname@example.org.
Is your stuff fact or fiction?
Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.
Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.
What motivates you to write?
My stomach and my grave.
Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, and mugs?
You can grab the book right here. If you’re into that sort of thing.
I don’t make bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, or mugs.
Aren’t literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?
But, for $10,000 + expenses, I’ll fly in and give you one that plainly isn’t.
Yes, that $10,000 price tag is intended to keep me at home — and in my bathrobe — at all times.
What are your hobbies?
I’m an expert with a Remington 12-gauge shotgun, in close quarters.
What’s your drink?
Any grape from The Four Graces.
No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should’ve been.
Why don’t you host comments, reply to tweets, emails, or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?
But, like you, I work a day job, have a dog, two chickens, and listen to a lot of radio.
I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write these little one-liners, cut my toenails, drink something good, and get to the dentist.
OK, what if I want to try your stuff on for size?
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