What’s going on around here?

My name is Robert Bruce. I file unusually short, original stories to the Internet, from the rain and sun of Oregon’s wine country.

If you’re into Mamet, Chandler, or Bukowski, this stuff might work for you.

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How do I contact you?

I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway …

robert@robertbruce.com

Robert Bruce
P.O. Box 331
Dundee, Ore.
97115



Are your stories fact or fiction?

Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.

Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.



What motivates you to write?

My stomach and my grave.



Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, and mugs?

You can grab a book right here.

I don’t make bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, or mugs.



What’s with this “unusually short” thing? Why don’t you write real stories?

I am an impatient man who admires well-executed brevity.



Aren’t literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?

Yes.

But, for $10,000 + expenses, I’ll fly in and give you one that plainly isn’t.

Yes, that $10,000 price tag is intended to keep me at home — and in my bathrobe — at all times.



What are your hobbies?

I’m an expert with a Remington 12-gauge shotgun, in close quarters.



What’s your drink?

Any grape from The Four Graces.

No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should’ve been.



Why don’t you host comments, reply to tweets, emails, or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?

Perhaps.

But, like you, I work a day job, have a dog, two chickens, and listen to a lot of radio.

I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write these little stories, cut my toenails, drink a beer, and get to the dentist.



What are other people saying about your work?

You’ve taken Carver, O’Conner, and Chandler down to the bone. Amazing.
- Shawn McBride

Short stories by Robert Bruce. Really short stories. Trust me: you can imagine a movie based on each sentence.
- James Lileks, Star Tribune

What a superb use of my time.
- Greg MacDonald

I wish I could get the last 30 seconds of my life back. Unsubscribed.
- Former Reader

Robert Bruce has the best one-liners on Twitter.
- Pete Orta

Robert is slightly demented. It amuses me.
- Terry LeCroix

Obsessed with Robert Bruce. Little micro-stories of goodness. Very Lydia Davis. Except more morbid. Even better.
- Ashley Marie

This is badass. I like you, Robert Bruce.
- Chris Brogan

… the best Twitter account ever.
- Andrea Ball

I haven’t read much this guys stuff – from what seen it’s meh.
- “bigmusic”

I worship Robert Bruce.
- Prince Campbell

Beyond brilliant.
- Brian Clark

These are NOT stories. These are sentences. What a joke.
- Former Reader



OK, what if I want to try your stuff on for size?

Go ahead and get it delivered the way you want it …

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