My name is Robert Bruce. I file an unusually short story to the Internet nightly, from an undisclosed location near you. Good luck …
How do I contact you?
I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway …
Are your stories fact or fiction?
Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.
Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.
What motivates you to write?
My stomach and my grave.
What’s with this “unusually short” thing? Why don’t you write real stories?
I am an impatient man. I’m into brevity.
How can you call these things stories?
I can call them whatever I want to call them. You can do likewise.
Aren’t literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?
But, for $7,000 + expenses, I’ll fly in and give you one that plainly isn’t.
Yes, that $7,000 price tag is intended to keep me at home — and in my bathrobe — at all times.
What are your hobbies?
I’m an expert with a short-barrel 12-gauge shotgun, in close quarters.
What’s your drink?
No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should’ve been.
Why don’t you host comments or reply to emails or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?
But, like you, I work a day job, have a dog, five chickens, and listen to a lot of radio.
I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write a story or two, cut my toenails, drink something good, and get to the dentist.
Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, and mugs?
I don’t sell books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, hats, or mugs.
If you don’t sell anything, how do you make money off this stuff?
I don’t make money off this stuff.
What are other people saying about your stuff?
You’ve taken Carver, O’Conner, and Chandler down to the bone. Amazing.
– Shawn McBride
Short stories by Robert Bruce. Really short stories. Trust me: you can imagine a movie based on each sentence.
– James Lileks, Star Tribune
Obsessed with Robert Bruce. Little micro-stories of goodness. Very Lydia Davis. Except more morbid. Even better.
– Ashley Marie
I want the last 30 seconds of my life back. Unsubscribed.
– Former Reader
What a superb use of my time.
– Greg MacDonald
– Brian Clark
I haven’t read much this guys stuff – from what seen it’s meh.
– “bigmusic” on Metafilter
Robert Bruce’s short stories are very short, but they aren’t gimmicks. There’s more to them than many longer works.
– Christopher Gronlund
Robert is slightly demented. It amuses me.
– Terry LeCroix
I worship Robert Bruce.
– Prince Campbell
Robert Bruce is a writer and a tease. He is all sparseness and tortuous brevity, his unusually short stories impeccable. They hook, and leave you hanging off the cliff.
– Julie Neidlinger
These are NOT stories. These are sentences. What a joke.
– Former Reader
OK, what if I want to give this stuff a try?
If these little stories do anything to you or for you, get them delivered in the way you want them …