Robert Bruce files an unusually short,
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How do I contact you?

I am likely the worst correspondent in the history of the Internet, but if you want to go it anyway …

P.O. Box 331
Dundee, Ore.

Are your stories fact or fiction?

Nothing I write is true of anyone, dead or alive.

Everything I write is true of everyone, dead and alive.

What motivates you to write?

My stomach and my grave.

Where can I buy your books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, and mugs?

I don't make books, bumper stickers, t-shirts, or mugs.

If you don't sell anything or run ads, how do you make a living writing this stuff?

I don't make a living writing this stuff. Like you, I work a day job.

However, if you like these little stories, you can express that appreciation by becoming a patron, for any monthly amount that works for you.

Aren't literary readings boring, navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual con games?


But, for $7000 + expenses, I'll fly in and give you one that plainly isn't.

And yes, that $7000 price tag is intended to keep me at home -- and in my bathrobe -- at all times.

What are your hobbies?

I'm an expert with a 12 gauge Remington 870 Wingmaster shotgun, in close quarters.

What's your drink?

Any grape from The Four Graces.

No, I was not paid to write that. Though I should've been.

Why don't you host comments, reply to tweets, emails, or phone calls? Are you some kind of arrogant prick?


But, like you, I work a job, have a dog, two cats, two chickens, and watch a lot of television.

I need the few moments left at the end of the day to write these little stories, cut my toenails, drink a beer, and get to the dentist.

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